


Courtship Confusion

by trulywicked



Category: Naruto
Genre: Courtship, Humor, M/M, Madara is Oblivious, Misunderstandings, Tobirama Is A Troll in his own special way, do not copy to another site, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trulywicked/pseuds/trulywicked
Summary: Tobirama knew that Madara had no idea what the flower meant and that was why it was perfect.Perfect revenge on Hashirama that is.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 185
Kudos: 1638





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love Done Right](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741729) by [raendown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raendown/pseuds/raendown). 
  * Inspired by [Last of the Summer Roses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21327550) by [KeanBlade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeanBlade/pseuds/KeanBlade). 



> So the FANTASTIC raendown and KeanBlade have warmed my heart and tickled my funny bone with their fics where Madara courts an oblivious Tobirama. Then I started thinking and the idea of Tobirama knowing EXACTLY how the Uchiha go about courtship while Madara knows NOTHING about how Senju (or Hatake) court sprang to mind. 
> 
> Then came the 'What if Madara accidentally did Senju courtship things toward Tobirama?' and 'What if Tobirama let it go on because it makes Hashirama gobble like a turkey?' and 'What if Tobirama starts spending time with Madara to make Hashi's head explode?' and 'What if he falls in LOVE with Madara as a result?' then finally 'What if he then courts Madara the Uchiha way?'
> 
> And I decided it was amusing enough that it needed to be written. So enjoy!

To no one’s surprise, it started because of Hashirama. 

If he’d had his choice, Tobirama would have happily continued antagonizing Uchiha Madara when in the same room and giving no thought to him the rest of the time. He knew how far he could push before the volatile man caused damage that couldn’t be fixed but Hashirama had requested (begged) that they try to be ‘nicer’ to each other. So, feeling deeply put upon, Tobirama took the first step of being ‘nice’ by bringing a tea blend in and setting it on Madara’s desk.

“What the hell is this?” Madara glared at the jar.

“Tea. Specifically a blend for stress. Anija wishes us to ‘get along’ better, so consider that a peace offering.” His piece said, Tobirama turned around and went to his desk across the shared office to do his job.

He wasn’t at all shocked to later learn that Madara had taken the tea to an expert for inspection and had to smirk quietly to himself at the loud wailing of Hashirama over Madara being so rude as to doubt Tobirama’s intentions. In the back of his mind, Tobirama marked a little scoreboard with a point for himself.

* * *

The day after Hashirama’s wailing over Madara’s distrust, he was in the office pestering Tobirama when Madara arrived an hour later than usual.

Madara ignored Hashirama and stomped over to the clear side of Tobirama’s desk, pulling out what he’d brought from its paper bag and setting it harshly on the desk. “For you.”

Tobirama’s brows lifted as he took in the flowering cactus now sitting on the corner of his desk, vibrant red blooms nearly too bright to look at. He heard Hashirama make a strangled noise in the back of his throat then glanced up to study Madara’s scowl.

There was no expectation hidden by the scowl, nothing really but pure aggravation that only increased as Hashirama kept making sounds like a choking goat. Tobirama tapped the wooden end of his brush lightly on the desk and spoke with measured care. “Well, thank you.”

“Just don’t kill the damned thing.” Madara stomped off to make a cup of the tea Tobirama had given him.

Hashirama made a garbled attempt at speaking but only a few words came out clearly enough to understand. “...cactus flower...when...too fast...my brother...”

Tobirama rolled his eyes and snapped, “Anija, go  _ away _ . I have work and you  _ certainly _ have work. You have to rewrite the proposal to the Hatake,  _ again _ , before tomorrow.”

“But-!”

“Out!” Tobirama used a small suiton to push his brother out of the shared office and down the hall to Hashirama’s own. He waited just long enough to be certain that Hashirama wouldn’t be eavesdropping and Madara was seated at his desk with the tea. “Out of curiosity, why this in particular?” He tapped lightly at the cactus’ pot.

Madara grunted, reading over the first thing in his inbox. “A prickly plant for a prickly bastard seemed appropriate in response to a stress relief tea.”

A faint smile tickled the corners of Tobirama’s mouth. As he’d suspected, Madara didn’t know the meaning behind giving someone a cactus in flower. That or he hadn’t bothered to remember. Either way it was a masterful bit of unknowing vengeance on Hashirama.

If Madara ever learned that, to the Senju, giving someone a cactus flower meant you lusted for them they might have to rebuild the tower after he burned it down. Still it was amusing enough to allow Hashirama to live with the belief that his best friend wanted to fuck Tobirama. 

* * *

Deep into the planning of the spring festival that Hashirama had assigned he and Madara to, Tobirama didn’t give any thought to messing with his brother’s head further. He had enough to do working with Madara to ensure that all the disparate traditions of the clans making Konoha home were treated respectfully  _ without _ those same traditions causing some horrendous offense to another clan.

He was working on figuring out how to reject the Inuzuka proposal for a boar hunt in the main square when another sheaf of papers was dropped in front of him. He glanced up, irritation pinching his brows, at Madara. “What?”

“The damned Nara.” 

Tobirama could nearly  _ see _ the headache pulsing in Madara’s temples. He leaned back, taking a moment to settle himself. “What of them?”

“They’re hiding something in that fucking proposal. I can tell but I can’t figure out what it is.” Madara slipped a hand under the thick stack of papers he’d dropped onto Tobirama’s desk to pull the Inuzuka proposal out. “I’ll deal with this. The Inuzuka are easy compared to the pain in my ass Nara. They can have their boar hunt in the forest instead and they’ll be happy.”

Tobirama sighed, rubbing the center of his forehead. “Make sure they know to keep to their section of the forest. The Hatake will be having a deer hunt in theirs.” He got up to go to the charcoal stove in the corner to heat water for tea. 

“You or Hashirama going to join them?” Madara set out a clean paper to compose the revision to the Inuzuka proposal. “Your mother was Hatake if I recall.”

“Hashirama is squeamish about Hatake hunts. It always put him off.” Tobirama prepared two cups with tea leaves. 

Madara made a soft snort of amusement. “Of course it did. I can’t see you as squeamish, little ice block that you are.”

Tobirama flicked a dry look over his shoulder at Madara. “No. I am not squeamish. I have joined the Hatake for hunts before but not this year. I will be too busy with ensuring the festival goes smoothly. It is the first festival in Konoha. It will set a precedent.”

“So you’re going to micromanage the hell out of it from the shadows.” Madara muttered as he rolled his brush to remove excess ink before putting it to the page. 

“As you and Hashirama will be handling the more visible part of the festival.” Tobirama poured the water over the tea leaves. He allowed the tea to steep, strained the leaves out, then carried one cup over to set beside Madara’s hand so he saw it.

“What’s this for?” Madara frowned suspiciously at the cup.

“Courtesy.” Tobirama brought his own cup back to his desk then began to wade through the Nara proposal to take the week of the festival off. He smirked to himself when, after several moments of silence, Madara made a muffled sound of surprised pleasure at the tea’s flavor. Tobirama was  _ very  _ good at making tea, even Mito’s didn’t quite measure up.

Madara shifted, grumbled softly, then reluctantly offered a gruff, “Thanks.”

Tobirama’s smirk just grew and he marked another point for himself on his mental scoreboard.

* * *

Tobirama was in Hashirama’s office early the next day, forcing his brother to handle the final stages of paperwork for the festival which included putting his signature on the rejection of the Nara’s proposal to either have a week off or be given more land within Konoha. 

He felt Madara’s chakra approaching so didn’t bother to look up from riding herd on Hashirama when the man came in. “Stop fidgeting, Anija. All you have to do is sign the final papers. Madara and I have already dealt with the bulk of the work. Do your part or abdicate the Hokage post to him.”

“I’m doing it.” Hashirama muttered. “I am signing and reading and doing the paperwork, Tobi. Don’t be mean.”

“How many times have you tried to escape already, log head?” Madara asked from the doorway.

“Seven.” Tobirama answered when Hashirama just looked away shiftily. “Once more and I will chain you to the desk, Anija.”

“Okay, okay.” Hashirama recognized that as a promise rather than a minor threat. “I won’t slack off, Tobirama. I promise.”

“Hmph.” Tobirama straightened, crossing his arms to stare down at his brother.

Hashirama just shook his head and picked his brush up again, pulling a bundle of papers close. “What do you have there, Madara?”

“It’s for your brother.”

Tobirama turned, brows drawn in confusion. “What?” 

Madara held out a paper mache basket brimming with red fruit. “Here.” 

Tobirama tilted his head slightly, reaching out to take the basket. He studied the strawberries as Madara turned on his heel and left Hashirama’s office.

Hashirama made a sound like a cat with its tail trod on. “Th- fruit- Tobi!”

“Hush. Get back to work Anija.” Tobirama gave him a glare, amusement flicking through him at the way his brother’s eyes were nearly popping out of his skull. “I will be back to check on your progress in two hours. If you have slacked off I will be  _ highly _ irritated.”

“But Madara gave you- Tobi get back here. TOBIRAMAAAAAAA!”

He ignored his brother’s wail and made his way to the office he shared with Madara. Stepping in, he watched Madara go about his business like usual.

“What are you just standing there for?” Madara grumbled as he sorted his paperwork.

“Where did the strawberries come from?” 

“Kagami. He said he promised to send you some of the first fruits from his garden. There’s blueberries under the strawberries according to him.” Madara fished a clean brush from a desk drawer.

Tobirama remembered that now and his lips curved, both in fondness for the Uchiha child that had glommed onto him for some reason and in wicked glee at Hashirama’s distress. 

“I’ll have to thank him.”

“He wants to play a festival game with you. You can thank him by stepping out of the shadows to help him catch a damned goldfish.” Madara didn’t look up as Hashirama’s wailing reached a high enough pitch that an Inuzuka a floor below shouted at their Hokage. “What the hell is wrong with him?”

Tobirama delicately plucked out a blueberry from the basket, rolling it around between his fingers before popping it into his mouth. Then he lied a little. He not only doubted that Madara would want to know that giving fruit of the field was the first step in a proper Senju courtship but he wasn’t  _ about _ to lose the amusement that was Hashirama choking on his words over his best friend seeming to court his little brother. “Strawberries are his favorite.” 

“For a man who can grow his own fruit in seconds he’s being a brat about you getting some damned berries.” Madara raised his voice. “HASHIRAMA IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT I’M COMING IN THERE AND GIVING YOU A HAIR CUT WITH FIRE!”

Tobirama grinned, ate another blueberry, and had to give Madara a point on his mental scoreboard when Hashirama gave a final wail then subsided into silence. This was getting fun. He wouldn’t mind encouraging Hashirama’s misconception just to teach his brother a lesson. Perhaps the festival would allow for just such an opportunity.


	2. Chapter 2

Tobirama adjusted his obi minutely, studied himself in the reflection of the window then decided to take his happuri off for this ‘break’ he was going to take from his ‘micromanaging’ as Madara had called it.

So far the Spring Festival was going well. The Inuzuka and Hatake had actually wound up hunting together and splitting the meat between them earlier in the day and now all the rest of the clans were mingling well enough. He’d have to remember to compliment the Akimichi for the stellar accommodation of various foods for every clan along the streets. Even the Hyuga seemed to be cutting loose and relaxing. 

It was the perfect moment for him to accommodate Kagami’s request for a game and, seeing as Kagami was lingering beside Madara and Hashirama was almost plastered to his friend’s side, mess with his brother’s head a little bit.

He raked his hair into falling attractively over his forehead, just enough to make Hashirama stare but not enough to rouse Madara’s suspicions, then stepped out into the street and made his way toward Kagami, Madara, and Hashirama.

Kagami spotted him first and bounced in place, waving his hand. “Tobira-sensei!”

He had to smile and caught Kagami when the boy launched himself at him with a laugh. “Hello, Kagami-kun. Are you enjoying the festival?”

“Yup! Shishou made the wanage booth guy cry!” Kagami giggled.

“Did he?” Tobirama looked at Madara, angling his head in a gesture that was completely Senju in nature and made Hashirama make the strangled goose sound again.

Madara huffed and tucked his hands into his sleeves with a roll of his eyes. “A civilian operator. You’d think he’d have expected shinobi to have good aim and planned the prizes accordingly.”

“It took Hashirama-sama five whole minutes to get the wanage guy to stop crying.” Kagami bounced in place even as he still hugged Tobirama around the waist. “Then he banned Shishou from playing any more of the games and lost seven times at the senbonbiki booth.”

Tobirama’s lips twitched in amusement and his hand smoothed over the wild curls of Kagami’s hair. “Unsurprising.”

“After he got out of his droop he helped me win a yo-yo.” Kagami let him go to show Tobirama the vibrant red balloon with blue swirls.

“Success after eight attempts.” Madara smirked at Hashirama.

Tobirama rolled his lips in slightly, his jaw tensing as he held in the laugh that wanted to escape for a moment then cleared his throat. “Also unsurprising.”

“The God of Shinobi, failing at a children’s game.” Madara kept needling his friend.

“Hey! I am a  _ good _ ninja!” Hashirama folded his arms and pouted. “It’s not my fault the paper is so flimsy.”

Kagami stage whispered, “I think the yo-yo tsuri guy almost gave Hashirama-sama an extra yo-yo cuz he felt bad for him.”

Tobirama had to laugh when that resulted in Hashirama whining and slumping against Madara, making the Uchiha shove at him and shout demands for Hashirama to find his dignity. “Should we see if I’m any better at kingyo suikoi than Anija is at yo-yo tsuri?”

Kagami nodded so rapidly that Tobirama almost expected him to give himself whiplash. Then he snatched Tobirama’s hand and pulled him through the crowd to the goldfish scooping pond.

The operator was a shinobi, one of the Senju kunoichi, and took one look at Tobirama and Kagami before sighing and giving him a stern look. “No more than ten, you menace.”

Tobirama blinked innocently. “I don’t have any idea what you mean Haruhi.”

She snorted and just passed over the poi and bowl and waved them at the pond.

Kagami looked up at Tobirama and whispered, “Do you  _ cheat _ Tobira-sensei?”

“Cheat? I am a shinobi. I never cheat,” he lowered his voice a bit, “I win creatively.” 

He took the bowl to hold it for Kagami then gently guided Kagami’s hand through the water to catch a couple medaka in demonstration before he used a tiny touch of chakra to frost the paper of the poi so it would hold up longer and instructing Kagami through catching five actual goldfish before the paper completely tore. He could have kept the poi usable for a lot longer but he did have a sense of fair play and seven fish were plenty for Kagami to start with.

Haruhi gave Tobirama a beady eyed stare at the medaka fish in the bowl then tsked and gave Kagami two tickets to come see her after the festival to pick out two koi.

Kagami looked at the tickets with wide eyes. “Really?”

“A prize for catching the medaka.” Haruhi smiled at the boy. “You just come when you have a good pond for them and I’ll set you up.”

Kagami accepted the bag of his goldfish, eyes bright with excitement as he turned to show Madara the fish and tickets excitedly. “Koi shishou! I’ve always wanted to have some and you can never keep them in the pond at the compound.”

Tobirama lifted a brow. “Why not?”

Madara flushed and spluttered just before Kagami provided the answer.

“Shishou throws Izuna-sama in the pond all the time, koi don’t last long.”

“I see.” Tobirama’s lips curved at the corners as he imagined just that scenario. “If your mother allows it, Anija and I can help you make a small koi pond for yourself. We’ll make certain it’s not large enough to dunk Izuna to remove the temptation.”

Madara gave him a half-hearted glare but there was humor lurking in the depths of his eyes. “The temptation to hold his head underwater always lingers.”

“A rare point of agreement,” Tobirama drawled. “And where is your disaster?”

“Izuna-sama saw the scary Senju kunoichi watching people at the shateki booth and went to show off.” Kagami chirped, cradling his bag of goldfish.

Tobirama crossed one arm across his chest, lifting the other hand to his mouth, feigning contemplation in order to hide his amusement.

“You’d think he’d have gotten the hint that she’s not interested by now.” Madara shook his head and herded Kagami away from the goldfish pool. “He’s doing everything but wearing a sign asking her to look at him.”

“Touka isn’t romantically minded.” Tobirama fell into step with Madara, Kagami between them and a recovered Hashirama finding them. “Eventually he’ll hit on the right strategy and she’ll either start looking or tell him to go elsewhere.”

“Blunt.” Madara hooked his hand in the back of Kagami’s yukata to keep him from running ahead.

“That’s Touka.” Hashirama said cheerfully, pausing at a food stall to buy some dango. “Izuna should just ask.”

Madara gave him an incredulous look but before he could say anything, Hashirama was pushing dango into all their hands.

Tobirama shook his head and slipped the stick he’d been handed to Kagami. Dango wasn’t to his taste, not that Hashirama ever bothered to remember that.

His attention was diverted by one of the Hatake clan coming up to invite him to a hunt the next month but he heard Kagami whispering to Madara. When he turned back he found an ikayaki stick thrust at him by Madara. He accepted it with a faint tilt of his head. “Why?”

“Cuz it’s not fair for us to have something and you don’t!” Kagami leaned into Tobirama’s leg. “And you don’t like sweets. Doesn’t Hashirama-sama know that?”

"Oh no! Tobi I'm so sorry!"

Tobirama’s lips curved at Hashirama’s distressed yelping. “He does but sometimes forgets in his excitement.”

“And shishou said you probably haven’t stopped lurking long enough to eat tonight-”

“Kagami,” Madara growled it out from behind grit teeth.

“So he got you the ikayaki, cuz you like fish!” Kagami tugged Tobirama’s sleeve to coax him to lean down so he could whisper in his ear. “I told him that. Is that okay?”

Tobirama hid his grin at Hashirama’s garbled clucking and whispered back. “Yes, Kagami. It is perfectly okay to tell your shishou of my preferences.” 

“Alright!”” Kagami cheered as Tobirama straightened back up. “You shouldn’t skip meal, sensei. Even shishou doesn’t skip meals when he-”

“Alright brat, that’s enough sugar for you.” Madara picked Kagami up by the back of the yukata and started carrying him off. “Time to return you to your mother before those fish go belly up.”

Tobirama watched as Madara carted Kagami through the festival goers like a kitten and looked at the squid stick in his hand, twirling it a bit.

“Tobi?” Hashirama’s voice was tentative. “You’re not-”

He smiled ruthlessly and took a bite of the squid, revelling in his brother’s shocked gasp and wail.

It was one thing for Hashirama to see Madara offering food, something Tobirama knew was simply an Uchiha thing for anyone they considered part of their circle, but another thing  _ entirely _ to witness Tobirama accepting and consuming it. Something among the Senju that would indicate clear reciprocation of interest and acceptance of a suit. It was putting Hashirama’s love and respect for Madara at odds with his overprotective idiocy regarding Tobirama.

That overprotective streak had always annoyed him so it was a pure joy to mess with Hashirama like this.

He gave himself another tally on the scoreboard.


End file.
